Think about how many times you say, “sorry” in a day. The fact that you say it more than a once a day when you haven’t even hurt anyone is a little much.
We use it all the time in situations that do not even call for an apology. And often we are apologizing for our emotions. If we’re ranting to a friend about how we were feeling sad and then you feel like you’re spreading your negativity, you say sorry. Or if you hear something funny and laugh loud, you say sorry. We don’t wear makeup that day or do our hair and we apologize for that. We apologize for looking our raw selves.When you are having a bad day and you are around your friends and aren’t being very engaged in the conversation, you say sorry. After you yell when you’re angry, you say sorry. After someone explains something to you and you say sorry, I didnt get it, explain it again. Why are you apologizing for misunderstanding? Sometimes someone bumps into us and we say sorry. Sometimes when a man sits next to you on public transport, you may close your legs and give them space and say sorry. Do not apologize because they did not have enough space. Dont minimize your space and make yourself uncomfortable for someone else.
You do not need to apologize for your emotions. You feel what you feel and we need to stop invalidating our emotions by apologizing when we’re allowing someone else to see them. Your feelings and existence are nothing to be sorry for.
Often as women we apologize constantly for such foolish reasons when we aren’t even to blame. Stop apologizing for how you look and being yourself and for not getting dolled up. You are not obligated to get dolled up for anyone else’s gaze.
I took a theatre class in university, and my professor would always make up a spin around when we apologized for something that didn’t require an apology. The spin would signify that we were taking that sorry back. And its powerful to physically move when you say sorry, because you will continue to make that connection. It’s not ideal to spin around every time you apologize, but we can start by recognizing situations when we apologize.
And lets try to remove sorry from our vocabulary when it is not necessary.
Ways to do that.
-Instead of saying “sorry Im late”, say “the train was running late, I will try to leave earlier next time”
-Instead of saying, “sorry, my hair’s a mess”, you dont have to say anything to justify why you look the way you do. But if you want, you can say, “I didnt feel like doing my hair today so that’s why it looks like this today.”
-When you’re crying to a friend and you are saying sorry that they have to deal with you, say thank you to them for being such a good friend and helping you.
We have used it so much in our vocabulary that it becomes second nature but when we look into the sociology of why we say it, we realize it’s rooted in a hierarchy especially when it’s women to men or a minority to a white person. So lets just start by being more conscious of it and slowly making that change. You are valid and so are your emotions.
all the love x movesandmountains