I have never been one to have many friends in my life. The most amount of friends I’ve had in my life is right now and that’s about 7 friends. And I’ve discovered keeping up with relationships in your life feels like a chore. Even more so, when you tend to get overwhelmed easily or suffer from anxiety.
In middle school, I had a core group of about four friends and we did everything together. And we all lived near each other, so trying to keep up with each other’s lives and make sure we stay in contact wasn’t a worry because we practically saw each other everyday. Middle school was also the best time of my life, everyone says its the worst but I loved my friends and how easy that time was.
In high school, I went through so many friends. Freshman year I had like three solid friends then we grew apart and then sophomore to most of junior year I had about four solid friends, and then we grew apart and then by the time I got to senior year, I again had about four solid different friends. But it wasn’t a group, it was just completely separate friends. In middle school, I went to school in my neighborhood whereas my high school was an hour away. I could no longer keep up with friends like I did in middle school but I didnt have that many to keep up with so it was a little easier than it is now. When you live in nyc, people will be from all over the city and go to your school. So you’ll have a friend a block away and another, two hours away. And some may not even live in the state. That middle school convenience disappears. But I think in high school is also a time of self discovery so we were all changing during that time and naturally our friendships will too. I went through so many friendships in high school and eventually ended up only keeping in touch with one or two. It’s weird how you only talk with people out of convenience and friendships don’t have anything substantial to it besides the fact that you are in the same place at the same time for four years. That’s it. And that is a harsh reality to grab.
And that brings us to now, somewhat. College and on. I again, went through so many friendships in college and this was the time where I discovered myself the most and became the most confident and sure of what kind of people and energy I want in my life. Most of the people I was friends with in college, didnt end on the best note so I’d include those that I do still have a good relationship with. College bought me some of the worst friendships but also some of the best which I am happy to say I still am connected with those people. But it hasn’t been easy. I have now about 7 friends and it may not seem like a lot but its more than I ever had in my whole life. And I think its harder when your friends dont know each other so you have to keep in the touch with them individually but then there are days when you dont feel like it. When you are deep inside your head, having anxiety over the future and you just want to ignore the text and not talk to anyone but you also need to make sure you maintain your friendships because you appreciate these people so much. So I’ve been torn between maintaining friendships and not wanting to talk to people. And I’ve realized if you have good friendships, you can communicate with the person how you are feeling and you weren’t in the best mood to reply and so you took time for yourself and thats okay. And Im lucky that I have friends who I can express my thoughts to pretty openly, so this is a thank you to them too, for loving me besides my moodswings and anxiety and loud personality at times, and my constant need to talk about everything wrong in the world. I am always grateful.
I do have more than these friends but for some reason I either dont have photos of them or dont have good photos, in high school, I used to take photos constantly and have at least 100 photos with friends and now i have like 3, how times have changed. But I have since graduated college and am still in touch with my college friends and those I met in the summers in between. I am happy with the way things are and the lessons I’ve learned and the good friends I’ve had. You are always thought about and appreciated, even if we no longer speak.
all the love x movesandmountains